Who am I? The noise in my head and bodily sensations?

Who am I? The question has become very famous now, thanks to Bhagwan Ramana Maharshi who, with His grace, is helping masses to go within and find the true ultimate Self (Yes, I replaced "their true ultimate Self" to "the true ultimate Self). So when I read these teachings of Bhagwan Ramana, Bhagwan Buddha, Nisargadatta Maharaj, Shri Ashtavakra and all the masters who primarily prescribe the path of Jnana or Gyan Yoga which translates to the Wisdom Yoga, one of the four main types of Yoga, I am pushed to become aware of the mind and analyze how it all works. So all my literary work is mostly based on my analysis and my little experiences and understanding of the within. 

When for the first time I started meditating and I went into a meditative state, what I experienced was pure silence within. For a few moments, there were no thoughts at all, it was pure silence and pure peace and it was so so beautiful. But after a few moments, my karma bounced back and pulled me back to the usual state. My system was unable to hold that transcendental state for a long time. That's why I started doing Yoga, basically Hatth Yoga and Kriya Yoga. The whole purpose of Yoga is to make your system able to hold the vastness of your true Self and embody the divinity within while still existing in this physical body. 

So after the inner silence, thoughts started coming in, random thoughts and images and I had no idea about what they were, they were just rushing forth into my awareness. But what I experienced was, I was totally unaffected by all the thoughts, images and sensations sitting totally at peace. I realized that I am NOT these thoughts and sensations, these are mere phenomenon happening within me. And this is so liberating.

This is Freedom. This is Salvation. This is Liberation. This Realization, that these voices running in my head are not me. These sensations in my body due to thoughts and emotions are not me but are happening in me. I felt so free since I realized what I am NOT, it brought a degree of liberation to my inner self. Now I have a choice, I am not bound by this little mostly annoying compulsive voice in my head pretending to be me. I can remain unaffected by it and make independent life choices, beyond its desires, pleasures, fears, insecurities, greed, lust, anger, beliefs, philosophies, personalities. I am free.

Now that I have been having the glimpses of what I am not, I am many steps closer to what I truly am. The teachings of Lord Buddha mostly are an analysis of what you are not and how to get rid of what you are not. The beauty of Buddha is He doesn't talk about what you truly are at all. He didn't utter a word about God or the Self at all but gave the whole teaching around what you are not so that you will finally be left with what you are and you can experience it yourself. He avoided giving any explanations of the Self for He knew the nature of the mind, He knew the Self is not there in the experience of the disciples, so whatever He says about it, however, He expresses it, people with no experience of it are gonna end up making beliefs and assumptions and imaginations about it which may end up pushing the enlightenment even further than before. That is what which has gone wrong with all the religions.

I don't claim to know my ultimate nature, whatever I say, I mostly talk about what I am not and what I could perceive as myself at this stage of evolution. As Shri Nisargadatta Maharaj says, “The way back to yourself is through refusal and rejection.” 

I love Maharaj so much, He further goes and says, “The scriptures say that we have our ‘karma’ and our sin and that is why we are here, but this is for the ignorant masses. One who has realized the self-knowledge ‘I am’ for him these stories are of no use.” So what that means is, all these inner compulsions, outside forces, planetary influences, karmic destiny affects the voice in your head, your body which further manifests as the sensations in your awareness or even your energies up to some extent, but the real self is unaffected by all this. Isn't it further liberating to know? That I have the choice of Salvation right here right now. The Ultimate Liberation or Nirvana or Moksha or Salvation, it is available right here right now. And the whole spiritual process is an effort in this direction. 

That's why I emphasize so much on having the experience. One experience can give you the direct wisdom which reading a thousand scriptures can not. Of course, I am not against reading scriptures, they can be liberating if interpreted by those who have the experience, but without experience, they can be a hurdle on the path and mostly the biggest hurdle since it gives you an illusion of knowing which you yourself have never experienced. I know this is controversial but I stand with what I say. 

I would further go and tell you something deeper which I realized in the extreme and suicidal situations of my life experience and here it is, You are going to realize something at the moment of your death and that is going to fill your whole being with so much guilt at that time, let me reveal it to you right now what it is. For one moment at least, you are going to realize that the voice in your head, guided by all kinds of beliefs and compulsions and influences, which was pretending to be You the whole time was, in reality, never you. It was merely an illusion. You would realize you have wasted your whole life blindly doing what it said. You never became aware of your true nature and thought that noise to be you the whole time. And you would feel like what a life you have wasted in the cage of this ego identity(Ahankara) when the liberation was just one step ahead. You just had to go within and realize that which was already there the whole time. But that would be too late and you would die deeply entangled within the complexities of the mind which are said to be the only reason you wouldn't go to God. I don't know, but some masters say it this way and I have put my faith at the holy feet of the divine master and I trust it. So it's better to close your eyes and go within now than wasting a whole life living in unconsciousness. Most will not listen but I am sure some will and they would be the light for the whole humanity. I have faith in this. 

At last, I would end this conversation with a hope that you stop running from yourself into all kinds of temporary material pleasures all the time and seek the permanent joy, love and peace, the ocean of which lies within. Our minds are impure, we can't stop finding joy, peace and love outside in materialism right now, but we can at least give some time every day to go within and find the eternal nectar of all divinity. I wish you well and I hope we all find what we are ultimately seeking. Good luck dear soul and just know that we're all in this together. Love you. :)